How to improve the season, Part I

Just so you know how it all works, because they have the day off today, the Nats have zero chance of adding to the loss column. Cool.

So we know the losses will be plentiful. And because we must bide our time to the new stadium opening, the Nats have the opportunity this season to really make things exciting. You know, get fans in the seats later in the season when they’re 40 games back in the standings.

Here are some ideas:

Draft Pat Venditte
He’s the ambidextrous pitcher out of Creighton University. That’s right: He can throw the ball right-handed to one batter; then switch arms and throw left-handed to the next. The MLB draft is coming up in June. The Nats could pick him, sign him quickly, and get him in the bullpen immediately. I don’t care how Circus-ish it sounds. I would pay to see him pitch at RFK.

Trade for Loek Van Mil
The Minnesota Twins pitching prospect is 7-1. No, that’s not his record; it’s his height! Mil is a minor prospect for the Twins, so the Nats could probably land him easily. He could be in the starting rotation within weeks. He would be the tallest player to ever play in the Majors. And he could be that person in the Nats jersey.

Trade for Julio Franco
He is the oldest regular position player in Major League history. But that’s not all. Every time he pinch-runs, pinch-hits, gets a double, gets a triple, etc… it makes historians ask themselves, “Is he the oldest player to ever do that?” And the Nats could probably get him in a trade. Also, though doesn’t wear one, he is the last MLB player eligible to wear a batting helmet with no ear flaps.

Get Ripken
Cal Ripken… hell, Bill Ripken… just get any ol’ Ripken in a uniform will do. Come August, both the Nats and Orioles will have trouble filling the seats. Might as well steal a few fans from Baltimore by having a Ripken at RFK.